“Disconnect to Reconnect” That’s what they say.
Being tired of life’s drama, I decided to take a week's break.
My purpose was to be in tune with myself since “chaos” was not enough to describe it.
From just a week, it became five fast weeks.
From just taking a break, came with life-changing lessons.
You matter, but you’re not that important
Yes, in the first week, I was hoping some of my friends would be there for me. That they would notice my absence and check up on me.
After all, that’s what I spent hours doing for them. Being always there.
Too bad, it wasn’t the case.
I spent the first week, alone and trying to kill my identity with these questions, “What is wrong with me? Did I do something wrong towards them?”
The answer is “none” and “no”
There was nothing wrong with me, and I didn’t do anything wrong towards them.
In respect, they were also busy with their lives and it didn’t matter that much to them the way that I cared for them.
To label this as sad, yes. But it’s liberating.
Knowing that I’m not as important to them as they are to me, I can set up my “relationship sifter”.
On to the second lesson!
If others don’t reciprocate my love, I’ll DIY then
Remember the Golden Rule? Let’s state it in a positive sentence, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you”.
I practice this by heart. I thought that when I started loving others just as I wanted to be loved, they would return it to me. That they would reciprocate it.
Boy, was I so wrong!
I was so naive that I got burnt.
I was used. I gave away my love. Then I’m left with nothing.
I learned that in love, it shouldn’t be conditional.
Whether we admit it sometimes or not, we expect them to treat us the way we treat them.
You share your love to others because you love doing it.
We should not treat love as an investment.
That when you do something today, you will get something in return.
Love is mysterious.
Love is beautiful.
Love is never a trade.
Also, by loving genuinely, we learn to say “no”.
On to the third lesson!
Saying “no” is not a mortal sin
In that span of 5 weeks, I finished reading three books and one of them is “The Introvert’s Way” by Sophie Dembling.
The title may be exclusive to introverts but the content, I believe, is for everyone.
Dembling shared that it’s okay to choose your peace first before you succumb to other people’s attention.
By learning how to say “no”, we learn how to set our boundaries and we teach people how to treat us. As much as we want to be there for them, every time, we also need to honor and nurture ourselves, all the time.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love both me and you” - S. Dembling.
We love by setting our boundaries.
This is life’s paradox.
And I’m living it.
My Point:
Be the important person to yourself. (in moderation 🥂)
It’s never a mortal sin.
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