I am broke and unbroken

I choose not to unveil my financial status because I don’t want to be pitied. This is turning into a curse and a blessing. 

My family thought I had a lucrative job, so I’m in charge of paying the bills. I haven’t updated them, though: “I used to have a lucrative job.” As a result, I secretly need to ask for loans to make ends meet. Welcome to “the broke lifestyle.” 

You do your best to show them that you’re doing your best. 

Yet you know in yourself that all you have is an empty wallet.

I’ve done everything to escape. At least in my mind. Different colors of cheap alcohol, pained throat due to muffled cries, and others. I’ve done it. I went through it.

Sleepless nights had befriended me.

After getting tired of being tired, I decided to face this dilemma head-on. 

I began to see that just like the numbing effect of alcohol, our problems don’t last. It won’t be like this forever and I refuse to give up. It was the time that I realized, I may be broke, but I’m not that broken. Welcome to the “unbroken lifestyle”. 

Accepting that I’m broke and unbrokenly standing, I began to see life situations differently. 

I met people in my life whom I didn’t expect to help me in my situation. They helped me willingly, without questions asked. 

They didn’t just help me pay some of my debts, they did it while saving my dignity. 

The charm of homemade food came back to me. When I began making a living, I upgraded my cost of living. 

Fast food instantly went through my system. I wasn’t aware I was taking the first step towards being broke. 

Meditation, journaling, yoga, and running have been my therapy. 

It turned out that the best doctors in life are free if only we choose to be admitted by them. 

Yes, I’m financially broke, but I’m coping. I’m slowly getting out of the rut and refusing not to be stuck there. If it weren’t for my “broke lifestyle”, I wouldn’t have this unbrokenly strong will to keep on moving forward. 

I am broke, for now. 

I choose to be unbroken, for life.